what men don’t understand….

There’s just something..something in a woman..that happens everytime they get to feel like a woman. Last weekend, got to spend the whole Sunday feeling it from head to toe.

Nothing beats a day spent to just make you feel so good you are a girl. I just have to go back to Tagaytay.

wait a second

as promised

a gift…

happy birthday aldrin

thanks for making my friend leah happy

If I resign this week..I would most probably be..

A Make Up Artist…

Or a..

The Before and After

In my years of blogging..I actually talk about two phases in my life. The before and the after..the defining moment is most probably that part where I got my heart broken. Yes, its true I did change a lot..there was a different me before and a different me after. Its surprising to know though that currently, I am no longer the “after me”. I became somebody else. Not exactly..the “after me”…not exactly the “before me” but one thing is for sure..Its somebody else.

“Before me” is actually an innocent one…idealistic..egotistic..controling, insecure and not open to change. “After me” is a rebel of “before me”…open to change, open to mess, open to things not going my way, stronger, goes with the flow of the not so nice side of life, happy despite the way things are, secured and more mature as they say.

“Before me” is familiar to almost everyone. People sometimes know they are the “before me” at this particular time. Before me needs to get a mind blowing experience..needs a shake..needs a stab at the heart at one point of the other, a wake up call or a  just anything to get their feet on the ground. The earlier the better.

“After me”…this is the tricky part because the “after me” thinks they are perfect. They are the calm before the storm…the diamond..the pearl. The way they think so..they are. Well, they absolutely deserve to see theirselves that way, besides they have been through a lot. They deserve all the credit for just standing up from the muddiest of all placest. They have seen the lowest of low and they are now picking theirselves up. I will tell you a secret though, both are scared to death. They just don’t show it.

There’s something tricky about the after me. For “after me”, you try to do things opposite of the “before me”, whether its right or wrong, it didn’t work out before so its most probably the wrong thing to do. There’s this feeling of growing..feeling that you are on track…you are finally getting it. Believe me, they are getting it that’s for sure. Experience tells them so. However, just going the opposite direction is not always the right direction.

In the end, i guess its still is an experiment of finding that right direction, right equilibrium. Going all left when you did turn all right before might not put you to the best place you deserve. I’m glad I did not push myself from going into a relationship at that time, I would do all left for sure. I could have messed it up. Its true though that at that time, I know better than “before me” but that’s it. I just know better than “before me” but I might not end up happy in the end.

I think that only way for me to be a better me than “after me” is just to get that rebel out of the picture. To be a better than after me..is not to be after me. To remove that fear of making wrong choices again and fear of being “before me” again. Its not easy to do that in split second. its not even just a decision. It takes a lot of healing, forgiveness and time. Time is a friend for anyone who went through the worst in life. Time is my friend.

This time, I am a friend of “before me” and a friend of “after me”. I take in parts of “before me”, parts of the “after me” and parts of something else.  This should be better in finding my right direction..my equilibrium. In the end, you never really stop growing, never really stop changing. Its never just a two phase story of a before and after of a broken heart.

In the end, the defining moment in my life that I used to see before..no longer becomes a defining moment. I used to have this feeling that everything started because of the broken heart. It was an important moment though for me to start living. It was a trigger but my choices no longer has something to do with that.

I just cringe every time I see clearly how “after me” writes in my blog…it was so her all the time even if there is a clear effort not to show it.  

Summer Outing

Before I proceed with any other drama/danielle steele kind of blog entry –I just needed to capture even through a small entry my one and only beach outing I guess for the year. – After 20 years, I was finally able to upload a picture in my blog — Bataan Summer Outing 2008.

It was fun..I was able to really spend time with friends I do not see on a regular basis and I was really able to meet and enjoy new people’s company. Its funny how people say what happens there stays there..oh well..I don’t want people to just go and talk about how I just did a cartwheel in front of everyone…it was shocking I guess for some that I did it…believe me..i thought about that short but really hard in split second. For everything else that shocked you, i did think about it and decided on it the same way. 

I realized that after years of blogging, I was not able to update my blog last month. Well, that does not mean I was not into anything last couple of months. It was a crazy time of my life..lots of things confusing got jumbled right there in front of me. Some  things unexpectedly hit me. Thank God I have good friends and family around me to absorb it. I am glad I have friends who are willing to listen in my real life telenovela. I’ve spared my blog from all drama..what you read here are just spill overs.

So watch out for spill overs..hopefully I get to find people whom I can express and absorb even those spill overs for me. In the end, got nothing to write about anymore.

You know what…friendships are not good for serious writers.

 

Two To Tango

For everything that happens in the world of couples, one cannot exactly do without the other… as the old saying goes…it takes two to tango.

Of course, how can one make a relationship start without both parties believing that something can work? No matter how one perseveres in expressing what one feels, it will all turn vain when the other party does not recognize the effort.

Romance is never a one way street. A simple touch often resonates a sparkling of the eyes. A dozen roses return the sweetest smile. Love really does begin in one hello but it can actually end there without the shortest but most meaningful Hi from the other. One courageous knight will simply be a regular stranger when Juliet remains cold and in denial. One beautiful Rapunzel will have to just cut her hair short if her prince remains all lazy and coward.

To start love…it takes two to tango.

Love does not end there. Of course, in time, a couple will generally go through lots of ups and downs. Sometimes, the more you get to be more involved in the relationship, all the storm comes in the way. Everything just makes things worse for two people pulling each other up…making things work even if the world tells you to be apart.

One cannot do it without the other…no matter how you try to pull one up…how can you pull someone who does not want to be pulled?

To make a relationship work…it takes to tango

These two things are very basic. I’m sure that anyone would not need to go through any relationship just to learn that. It’s like a basic lecture in love relationships 101. I just realized it does not end there. There’s some things that a love teacher did not teach us.

In a relationship or a potential relationship, when something beautiful is close to happening but sometimes you do not have to go through all the drama just to end it. Even if without a third party, a stolen cash, a tragedy or slaps on the face, a confrontation, a couple who was once in love or who is potentially to fall in love will end up just realizing this will have to end.

Even in this case, the old saying still applies.  See for yourself if you get there.

To end love or to end a love that is potentially to begin, it takes two to tango.

Borris

My big dog just died last week.

my welcome home mat..

our doorbell…

my listening friend…

Borris is etched…attached…tattooed.

I love him.

I loved him?

I love him.

My Labyrinth

Went up

Went down

Went all around

I’m here again

 

Went right

Went left

Went all the way

I’m here again

 

Went in

Went out

Went inside out

I’m here again

 

Went fast

Went slow

Went with the flow

I’m here again

 

Went this way

Went that way

Went both ways

I’m here again

 

This time ill take my blind-fold off.